This post will be less about Naomi and more about how life has changed since she arrived and very much from my perspective (rather than also being from Sandy's) I hope you might find my musings interesting but will forgive you if you want to leave now seeing as this won't be about the latest cute thing Naomi has done and will feature very little in the way of photographic evidence of her existence.
One thing that has changed is that I have had to become much more relaxed about being late for things or about changing plans at the last minute. Anyone who knows me will know that I HATE being late and that if I have told you I will be somewhere/do something I find it very hard to back out of that without an incredible reason for it! Well, since Naomi came along that isn't quite as easy as it used to be, I have had to learn to be relaxed about getting to where I am going when it is time and about saying to people I *might* be able to help with that but it depends on Naomi and what she is like on the day! Naomi won't care if I said I would be at your house at 3, if it is 2.30 and she is hungry, that will just need to be the priority! Even finding time for blogging and other social networking type activities are harder for me now and I just have to be okay with that!
Another thing I am having to be more relaxed about is getting "stuff" done. I would have always felt bad if I hadn't done the dishes by the time Sandy got home from work or if I had decided to throw the vacuum around the place, but now, as much as I decide I want to make a lovely dinner or write a letter to a friend I am just having to be okay with the fact that it might not happen! Naomi might hijack my plans! (For those who find it hilarious that I am complaining about not being able to clean/tidy, my standards may be lower than those of many, but they still exist!)
One of the biggest things I am learning as the days pass by, is about resting. I am a do-er, I find it hard to sit still for too long, and my DNA discipler will tell you that resting to the extent of day-time napping is something I find next to impossible. However, when your night-times all involve having to wake to feed the baby and you never really know when you are going to get to bed (Naomi settles anywhere between 9pm and midnight) and you don't really know how well you are going to sleep or even how much energy you will need to expend later (will she be good, or will she fuss?) you need to learn to grab every opportunity for rest and sleep with both hands. I am learning not to feel guilty for sitting down with a cup of tea or even for pulling a blanket over me and shutting my eyes and remembering this is only responsible so I am going to be able to deal with the possible (though not probable) screaming fit that is just round the corner.
One of the biggest things changing for me though, and I am yet to negotiate my way through this change and don't even know how I will do it let alone have got to a point where I have come to terms with it is to do with how I relate to God and even how I relate to church. I was musing about this just this morning and then went to the Mum's cell group I am part of and it came up there too. I find great joy in serving, I love serving, it gives me energy and to be honest I end up doing it without realising (I remember someone on DNA making a comment about the fact I was helping with something having only walked through the door a few minutes before, I hadn't seen it as helping, not in a big way, I saw a job that needed done and was getting on with it) it just comes as second nature. How do I serve though, serve others that is, with such a small baby. Back in Aberdeen I would have given my time at projects like the Haven (giving meals to those living chaotic lives) or helping with the toddler's group, by being a Street Pastor or by setting up the chairs in the sanctuary. In a more one-off kind of way one of the highlights of my year is serving on team at Imagine Scotland or even at the stand for DNA or any of these people at another event. These things, though, are much harder with a little baby. I could, I hear you say, give myself a break and let myself have some time off from all these things, but the problem is, that doing things like this gives me energy, I don't find it draining I find it brings and energy and vitality to my life and I also find, that I find it easier to be close to God when I am serving Him. My service needs to look different now, and I am not quite sure how to make that change, partly because I don't really know what my service will now be. Answers on a postcard please!
Now, I think if you have made it this far, you are a star, and as such I will reward you with a picture of our little treasure!
Thank you for sharing this, Jay. You are an amazing woman and I really really really wish I could see you in person being an amazing mommy (or mummy, even)! I am interested to hear your thoughts on what service could look like for you now and what opportunities there are around you that could be do-able... Thank you for sharing how your life has and is changing.ReplyDelete